LYSSA STRATA drops on May 1, 2021. It’s about a sex strike. Gasp!

I wrote the vast majority of my debut novel, LYSSA STRATA, in a fit of rage. Or a fit of crying. Or a fit of my butt dying because I could not stand up and let go of the internet shitstorm that was 2017.

The deep, harrowing misogyny of 2016 haunts me still. Haunts you, too, probably, if you’re a lady person. Every sling and arrow aimed at Hillary passed through me on the on the way to its target. And I got pissed the fuck off.

Every day since, it seems like the pathetic and tired sexism of that…

Yes, I took the easy joke out. Keep reading anyway, why not.

My dad died in January.

How’s that for a clever first line, right? Except no, sorry, because ever since my dad passed, I don’t feel clever. Or funny. I seem to not accomplish half of what I want to do, but at least I feel endlessly guilty about it.

My mojo has fled, lumbering away like a Bigfoot into the woods. I run through the forest, leaving Cheez-Its and Dr. Pepper Zero to attract Bigfoot. “Come back!” I cry. “I don’t feel like me anymore,” I add with a whimper.

“Your brain is mush,” replies my Bigfoot-mojo, her surprisingly musical…

I’m doing a book reading on the Zooms tomorrow!

It’s a book event, so when you RSVP and attend, you can tell everyone, “I’m going to a book event,” and then sniff real deep, because your farts will smell like book mites and importance, friends. Info below~

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Read an exclusive excerpt from the new book LYSSA STRATA by Martti Nelson! It’ll make your hair shinier.

Chapter 1

Lyssa Strata pushed up her glasses and prepared to say the words “birth control” to the entirely male Athena, Massachusetts Town Council, the average age of which was 80. It would’ve been higher if not for her stepfather, Councilman Daniel Park, who, at 42, brought the average from “nursing home” up to “Viagraville.” The last time most of these men needed birth control, it had come in the form of a chastity belt.

“People — er, gentlemen — of the Town Council,” Lyssa began. “We’ve heard you promise for decades that you’ll eliminate Athena’s centuries-old, degrading laws pertaining…

Diary, it is wrong to want man who listen to me and who also have boobies?

Today, I, Gruuka, discover that fire feel ouch on skin, but not on hair. Amazing science learning, right? But Brog and Truk do not believe Gruuka. They stick hands in fire and make much screaming. Then, Truk make blame-screaming at Gruuka! If they only believe Gruuka, no one would scream.

They like to make anger, same as they like to make puppet show with floppy appendage. Puppet all the time instead of work! They do not listen when I tell them schlong show is smell bad and also have simplistic plot with no thematic elements. “Silly Gruuka,” they say. …

Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

I own this entire glorious year, and every one of you is my bitch boy for the duration.

Friends and Relatives,

Hi, it’s Brad Bisset, your favorite groom! Latrice and I have decided that I will be the Official Evans-Bisset “-zilla.” It’s a responsibility I take seriously, as a wedding is one of the most significant moments in a -zilla’s life, full of grace and domination. I love my princess Latrice to the moon, so everything needs to be perfect. Absolutely. Perfect.

Strap in, you worthless feelings of Monday-morning dread, we’re going groomzilla-ing.

First of all, every member of my family and all 29 of my groomsmen had better be fucking ready to take a bullet for me…

I have a new humor piece out with Robot Butt! Embarrassing Ways I Have Died in the Past. Come for the syphilis, stay for the boob splinter.

Image Copyright: La Croix. (Fair Use.)

Read the mystic bubbles and behold the future! Besides the stomach upset — that’s a given.


Beautiful, but doesn’t know it. Humor, parody, satire author. LYSSA STRATA, a Comedy for the Frustrated, out 5–1!

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