Open in app

Sign In

Write

Sign In

Martti Nelson, Lady Author
Martti Nelson, Lady Author

66 Followers

Home

Books

About

Featured Book

Lyssa Strata
Lyssa Strata

Nelson's deliciously laugh-out-loud funny spin on an ancient Greek tale shreds modern-day sexism with OG feminism.

2021

·
Martti Nelson
Martti Nelson

Stories

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

·Pinned

QUIZ: Are You a Modern Badass Woman or Some Weird Medieval Bat Thing?

First thing to do is count your feet. Or, uh, claws? — Who am I? Why am I here? Should I have 10 feet attached to my mono-wing? These are the deep questions every gal asks herself, especially when contemplating the mysteries of the universe, or why she’s suddenly ravenous for delicious luna moths. …

Humor

4 min read

QUIZ: Are You a Modern Badass Woman or Some Weird Medieval Bat Thing?
QUIZ: Are You a Modern Badass Woman or Some Weird Medieval Bat Thing?
Humor

4 min read


Pinned

I Wrote a Book About Angry Women. On Purpose and Everything.

LYSSA STRATA drops on May 1, 2021. It’s about a sex strike. Gasp! — I wrote the vast majority of my debut novel, LYSSA STRATA, in a fit of rage. Or a fit of crying. Or a fit of my butt dying because I could not stand up and let go of the internet shitstorm that was 2017. The deep, harrowing misogyny of 2016…

Books

5 min read

I Wrote a Book About Angry Women. On Purpose and Everything.
I Wrote a Book About Angry Women. On Purpose and Everything.
Books

5 min read


May 10

Excerpts from AI-Written Rom-Coms That Prove Human Writers Are Obsolete

I have my very first piece in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency! To support the striking writers of the #WGA, I have…I mean the AI has…written some truly, um, “magical” rom-com moments. Like~ Broman Holiday WILLY (gasping): You are an undercover prince? The hospital lights glow brightly so that nobody cuts into the wrong…

Wga

2 min read

Excerpts from AI-Written Rom-Coms That Prove Human Writers Are Obsolete
Excerpts from AI-Written Rom-Coms That Prove Human Writers Are Obsolete
Wga

2 min read


Mar 28

The Shittiest Princess and the Friend Zone

The Royal Orgysmith organized the party-goers into lines of “flexible” and “brought own riding crop.” In the dankest depths of the darkest month of the year, Blorgvember, happened the most horrid holiday this side of a dirty cat butt: Valentine’s Day. Everything awful in Kingdomville occurred in Blorgvember, unless you…

Humor

5 min read

The Shittiest Princess and the Friend Zone
The Shittiest Princess and the Friend Zone
Humor

5 min read


Mar 21

The Shittiest Princess and the Cutting of the Cheese

It was a truism in Kingdomville that unpleasant things could, and should, be blamed on a woman. In a kinder, gentler time, when beheadings were family events, there was born a glorious princess to the kingdom of Kingdomville on a very auspicious day. That’s the way the story of Princess…

Humor

4 min read

The Shittiest Princess and the Cutting of the Cheese
The Shittiest Princess and the Cutting of the Cheese
Humor

4 min read


Mar 14

The Shittiest Princess Presents: Friend-Wife Agnes and the Princely Palooza Pleasure Party

Geesh, all these dudes looked alike. Inbred, no doubt. There once was a friend-wife named Agnes, who hated Limericks. Agnes had friend-married Princess Poot of Kingdomville in exchange for the title of Prince and the fifteen-kegs-of-beer-a-month salary, even though Poot was a very shitty princess. …

Humor

7 min read

The Shittiest Princess Presents: Friend-Wife Agnes and the Princely Palooza Pleasure Party
The Shittiest Princess Presents: Friend-Wife Agnes and the Princely Palooza Pleasure Party
Humor

7 min read


Mar 7

The Shittiest Princess and the Official Princess Color

Alas, pink didn’t match Princess Poot’s nail fungus at all. There once lived a princess so lovely and non-gassy, she outshone the heavens, and even the Vegas strip. This is not a story about that lady. Our tale involves Princess Poot, who couldn’t outshine a pile of mulch, especially if…

Humor

5 min read

The Shittiest Princess and the Official Princess Color
The Shittiest Princess and the Official Princess Color
Humor

5 min read


Feb 28

The Shittiest Princess and the Tentacled Talent

The Pent-Annual Princess Jamboree was in a week, and Princess Poot couldn’t bear to win the “We Kindly Suggest-eth Thy Live with the Mole People” Cup. Not again. Back in the days of Yore (“Yore” being a demonic cheerleader from the third circle of damnation sent to bedevil people who…

Satire

5 min read

The Shittiest Princess and the Tentacled Talent
The Shittiest Princess and the Tentacled Talent
Satire

5 min read


Feb 21

The Shittiest Princess and the Twelve-Toed Suitor

“But fulfilling female friendships that don’t revolve around men are forbidden in my line of work,” said Princess Poot. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were property, there lived a very shitty princess. Verily, she was the shittiest princess in the seven kingdoms, and in the…

Humor

6 min read

The Shittiest Princess and the Twelve-Toed Suitor
The Shittiest Princess and the Twelve-Toed Suitor
Humor

6 min read


Oct 27, 2022

Zombies and Old Lace

a Halloween Story That Moves Very Slowly by Martti Nelson “Jesus of Jerusalem, Dorothy — he’s getting away! I hustled faster than this when I was alive and used a walker.” Phyllis shimmied her right hip; it hadn’t been going the right direction since their run-in with the Girl Scouts a couple of nights ago. Phyllis wobbled like the world’s…

Halloween

12 min read

Zombies and Old Lace
Zombies and Old Lace
Halloween

12 min read

Martti Nelson, Lady Author

Martti Nelson, Lady Author

66 Followers

Book Author

Beautiful, but doesn’t know it. Humor, parody, satire author. LYSSA STRATA, a Comedy for the Frustrated, out now! marttinelson.com tinyurl.com/lyssastrata

Following
  • Laura Skopec

    Laura Skopec

  • Slackjaw

    Slackjaw

  • Kyrie Gray

    Kyrie Gray

  • Admiral Cloudberg

    Admiral Cloudberg

  • Lindsay Rae Brown

    Lindsay Rae Brown

See all (45)

Help

Status

Writers

Blog

Careers

Privacy

Terms

About

Text to speech

Teams