LYSSA STRATA drops on May 1, 2021. It’s about a sex strike. Gasp! — I wrote the vast majority of my debut novel, LYSSA STRATA, in a fit of rage. Or a fit of crying. Or a fit of my butt dying because I could not stand up and let go of the internet shitstorm that was 2017. The deep, harrowing misogyny of 2016…

I have my very first piece in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency! To support the striking writers of the #WGA, I have…I mean the AI has…written some truly, um, “magical” rom-com moments. Like~ Broman Holiday WILLY (gasping): You are an undercover prince? The hospital lights glow brightly so that nobody cuts into the wrong…

The Royal Orgysmith organized the party-goers into lines of “flexible” and “brought own riding crop.” In the dankest depths of the darkest month of the year, Blorgvember, happened the most horrid holiday this side of a dirty cat butt: Valentine’s Day. Everything awful in Kingdomville occurred in Blorgvember, unless you…

It was a truism in Kingdomville that unpleasant things could, and should, be blamed on a woman. In a kinder, gentler time, when beheadings were family events, there was born a glorious princess to the kingdom of Kingdomville on a very auspicious day. That’s the way the story of Princess…

Geesh, all these dudes looked alike. Inbred, no doubt. There once was a friend-wife named Agnes, who hated Limericks. Agnes had friend-married Princess Poot of Kingdomville in exchange for the title of Prince and the fifteen-kegs-of-beer-a-month salary, even though Poot was a very shitty princess. …

Alas, pink didn’t match Princess Poot’s nail fungus at all. There once lived a princess so lovely and non-gassy, she outshone the heavens, and even the Vegas strip. This is not a story about that lady. Our tale involves Princess Poot, who couldn’t outshine a pile of mulch, especially if…

The Pent-Annual Princess Jamboree was in a week, and Princess Poot couldn’t bear to win the “We Kindly Suggest-eth Thy Live with the Mole People” Cup. Not again. Back in the days of Yore (“Yore” being a demonic cheerleader from the third circle of damnation sent to bedevil people who…

“But fulfilling female friendships that don’t revolve around men are forbidden in my line of work,” said Princess Poot. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were property, there lived a very shitty princess. Verily, she was the shittiest princess in the seven kingdoms, and in the…

a Halloween Story That Moves Very Slowly by Martti Nelson “Jesus of Jerusalem, Dorothy — he’s getting away! I hustled faster than this when I was alive and used a walker.” Phyllis shimmied her right hip; it hadn’t been going the right direction since their run-in with the Girl Scouts a couple of nights ago. Phyllis wobbled like the world’s…